Procrastination Wins Again

As I said in my 1^st post, I'm great at starting just not at finishing; but don't give up on me yet! I'm back and I'm hitting the gym today. You'll be happy to know that I've gained a few pounds. I'm up to a slender 119, but I haven't grown any and for some reason all the weight seems to settle on my ass. Seriously FAT, what's wrong with my boobs? Why must you discriminate them so, I've tried eating upside down, but I think all of my food went to my brain and clogged a few important areas. I've tried eating lying face down, you know once it travels down it has to fall into the boob pockets, but I just ended up with indigestion and gas. I've tried electric shock, but that left me with fried nips and roasted tits. I've tried constantly stimulating those little boogers (that really creeped out my boss) but that only attracted weirdos, maybe I shouldn't have done it in public. I've even tried talking to them (you know like plants) but when they started responding I realized I needed help.

Well as you can see nothing works, they still look like breakfast (2 fried eggs with sausage nips). Well I'm succumbing to the fact that my little bee stings will always be just that, so today's workout will be focused toward improving my cardiovascular strength, contouring my chest and strengthening my legs.

Pull Ups
7 (Hell that's a lot!)
Crunches
150
Push Ups
3 x 20
Jump rope
Leg press
3x10
Standing calf raise
4 x 10
Chest Machine
3 x 6
Leg extensions
2x6
Seated Leg Curl
2x6
Dumbbell bench press
3x10
Plie Squats 30lb
2x10
Plie Jump Squats 30 lb
2x10
Lunge
4x10

And I will finish with a Fatboy smoothie with and a banana.

SN: I really didn't do any of that to increase my boob size, just being a little silly so don't be stupid and try any of that garbage . . . PEACE AND LOVE!

Follow me on the Hub!

http://vicwlk.hubpages.com/hub/HTSSWET 

Day 1 Complete

So this is what really happened at the gym yesterday. Very productive.

Monday

LEGS/ ABS

Cardio

Cycle 20 min      -     CHECK! THAT WAS SO EASY! WOW EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM THE GYM FOR A WHILE I'M STILL IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE!

Jump rope

Crunches     -     CHECK - WOO THAT WAS EASY I AM ON A ROLL

50

Mountain Climber     -     WOW I REALLY FELT THAT IN MY CORE, I'M GON BE SO SKRONG!

3x10

Metronome 3x10     -     F**** THAT! WHO THOUGHT OF THAT DUMB EXCERCISE! OH AND LOOK AT THIS A** HOLE OLD LADY DOING IT LIKE IT'S SO FLUGGING EASY! I HATE THE GYM COUGARS!

Plank     -     4 TIMES, HMMMMM . . . I'LL ONLY DO 3 SETS, DON'T WANNA LOOK LIKE A SHOW OFF

4x20 sec

Plank leg raise     -     WTF! OK . . . I CAN DO THIS . . . I CAN DO THIS . . .

4x10 sec

Side Plank     -     WHO THE FLUG AM I KIDDING?!

4x20 sec

Reverse lunges w/ front leg kick     -     OK THIS JUST MAKES ME LOOK STUPID

3 x 10

The Bird-Dog     -     TOTALLY DON'T WANNA GIVE MY ABS TOO MUCH ATTENTION AND MAKE MY OTHER MUSCLES SO JEL!

4x20 sec

Cable Wood chops 2x10     -      OK MY MOMENTUM IS BACK SOOOOOOO EASY! LOVE IT I MAY DO 2 MORE SETS. NO BIG GUY I DON'T WANT TO INCREASE MY WEIGHT 25 POUNDS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH! OH AND BY THE WAY DID BEETLEJUICE SHRINK YOUR HEAD BECAUSE ITS TOO SMALL FOR YOUR JUICED UP BODY! UGH! GO AWAY SCUM! 

Standing calf raise     -     CHECK

4 x 10

Leg Press     -     I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE CALL A DOCTOR! UGH!

4 x 10

Plie Squats 30lb      -     MY ASS HURTS!

2x10

Plie Jump Squats 30 lb      -     WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF!

2x10

Squats 30lb     -     I'M DONE! HMM, MAYBE I SHOULD STRETCH, FLUG THAT I'M GOING TO CHIPOTLE!

2x10

Jump Squats 30lb

2x10

As you can see day 1 went awesome, so well that I'm going to add pull ups to today's workout. Can't wait to start! :-)

Another Hobby Begins . . .

Of all the hobbies I’ve picked up through out the year, I’ve only stuck with one. My most favorite past time is becoming completely engulfed in new projects and never finishing them. I’ve picked up sewing, baking, blogging, running, hiking, biking, swimming, bird watching, war artifact collecting, drawing, scrap booking and antiquing. Of all of my wonderful hobbies, the only one that I’m consistent with is picking up new hobbies to drop within a few weeks, hmmmmmmmmm is that why I’m single? Well hobby collector and non-finisher no more! (Yes I understand that sentence possibly makes little sense but it does in Victoria World.  J) I am now embarking on a whole new reality. Today begins the 1^st day of my total body makeover.  For the next 30 days I will attempt to go from a scrawny stature of 5’7” and 113.4 pounds to 5’9” and 130 pounds. Ok, I’m probably not going hit those extra 2 inches but I think I have a strong chance of gaining the 17 pounds. Hmmmmmmm, if only I liked to eat . . .  FLARG! The following is how I'd like the weight distributed:

Chest –8 pounds

Butt – 1.5 pounds

Feet – -2 inches in length and width

Face – -.5 pounds from the cheek bone area

Calves – 3.5 pounds

Thighs – 4 pounds

Yes I am aware that my calculations probably make no sense at all but again in Victoria world, it all makes senseJ.

For the next 30 days I will blog about my journey from toothpick to super Barbie. I will also post pictures weekly so that you can visually see my body morph into Dolly Parton's.

The following is the workout plan for this week, please pray to the Gods of follow through so that I don’t give up and I keep on pushing, hell you should actually pray that I start!

Monday

LEGS/ ABS

Cardio

Cycle 20 min

Jump rope

Crunches

50

Mountain Climber

3x10

Metronome 3x10

Plank

4x20 sec

Plank leg raise

4x10 sec

Side Plank

4x20 sec

Reverse lunges w/ front leg kick

3 x 10

The Bird-Dog

4x20 sec

Cable Wood chops 2x10

Standing calf raise

4 x 10

Leg Press

4 x 10

Plie Squats 30lb

2x10

Plie Jump Squats 30 lb

2x10

Squats 30lb

2x10

Jump Squats 30lb

2x10

TUESDAY

BUTT

Cardio

Treadmill / incline 15min

Flutter Kicks

3 x 20

Mountain Climber

3x10

Duck Walk

Lunge 30lb

 4 x 10

Hamstring Machine

4x10

Full Squats w/ barbell

4x10

Dead lift

4 x 10

Barbell Step Ups 30lb

4 x 10

Adductor Lunge

3 x 10

THURSDAY

LEGS/ ABS

Cardio

Cycle 20 min

Jump rope

Crunches

50

Mountain Climber

3x10

Metronome 3x10

Plank

4x20 sec

Plank leg raise

4x10 sec

Side Plank

4x20 sec

Reverse lunges w/ front leg kick

3 x 10

The Bird-Dog

4x20 sec

Cable Wood chops 2x10

Standing calf raise

4 x 10

Leg Press

4 x 10

Plie Squats 30lb

2x10

Plie Jump Squats 30 lb

2x10

Squats 30lb

2x10

Jump Squats 30lb

2x10

SATURDAY

Hiking

Biking

Maybe paddleboard (weather permitting)

SUNDAY

Maybe paddleboard (weather permitting)

Maybe Zumba

Maybe Yoga

BUTT

Cardio

Treadmill / incline 15min

Flutter Kicks

3 x 20

Mountain Climber

3x10

Duck Walk

Lunge 30lb

 4 x 10

Hamstring Machine

4x10

Full Squats w/ barbell

4x10

Dead lift

4 x 10

Barbell Step Ups 30lb

4 x 10

Adductor Lunge

3 x 10